There is a place I go a couple of times a week. A cold, blank room in a nondescript old building, burrowed deep within one of the darker back pockets of Sydney. It’s a place which provides me with the lessons that I desperately need in my life.
The grounding nature of this experience is heightened partly by the solitude I feel while I’m here. I don’t need a connection to any electronic device; there’s no appointments or deadlines, no emails or documents to prepare for the outside world. I leave my bag along with my troubles at the door, I bow my head, step onto the mat, and the learning begins.
For over six years now, the martial art of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu has been that place. It has become a quiet ritual I undertake to disconnect in a positive way and relieve the built-up frustrations, anger, and anxieties that life brings. It’s a voluntary element of my week, but I know if I don’t go I’ll be missing out on an opportunity for introspection, challenge, and growth.
The art of Jiu-Jitsu is a powerful sledgehammer for your ego. There are lessons to be learnt on the mat that no book can teach. In this place I’ve been choked to the edge of consciousness repeatedly by a young man who also happens to be blind, I’ve had my arms stretched beyond their normal positions by a man who is also paraplegic, and I’ve been crushed on a regular basis by one particularly heavy man who is more than twice my age.
The feedback is instant, weaknesses are exposed, and progress is achieved, but only through challenge.
When I leave Jiu-Jitsu class and re-enter the ‘real world’ I’m quickly reminded of just how valuable this practice of connecting to myself is. It’s a practice that humans have utilised for hundreds, even thousands of years.
In his writings, the legendary 17th-century Japanese Samurai Miyamoto Musashi — one of the most skilled and feared Samurai ever to live — delved into the balancing power that this introspection brings,
“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”
It all comes down to finding the place of balance. The Yin and the Yang.
The Unbalanced System
It seems to me that right now — more than any other time in my memory — people are in desperate need of finding ways to disconnect from a world that is overwhelmingly outward-facing. There are a few reasons for this, but one of the key reasons is that discovering the places that force the necessary inner reflection and challenges that promote growth are becoming harder and harder to find.
It’s the result of a society which is out of balance.
Some academics believe the reasons for these troubles started in the 1970’s, developing slowly out of failed teaching and parenting strategies that overemphasised the importance of self-esteem and encouraged the ‘everyone gets a medal’ philosophy. The gradual reinforcement of this ‘over-protective’ attitude where confidence and external accomplishment are prioritised and the pain of failure, rejection or loss is minimised has now swamped just about all areas of western society. The results of this approach on individuals are what has now been labelled a ‘crisis of unmet expectations’ as people grow up in a system leaving them increasingly unprepared for the disconnect between what they believe their place in the world will be, and what that reality actually is.
Since the mid-2000’s social media has been an excellent method of fueling this out of balance attitude. Through engaging on these platforms people now have a tool capable of satisfying their want of external support and protection for any issue or cause. Regardless of how trivial that cause may be.
After more than a decade of feeding this demand, the calls for greater support and protection have grown significantly more extreme. Today, any cause from abolishing alcohol-related violence to receiving a lifetime supply of chicken nuggets can become a viral campaign capable of changing the way Governments, Businesses and Societies think and operate. All with the aim of protecting the individual.
When you look into the psychological effects that this type of system can have on a person, things also become a lot more interesting.
Social media has been proven to create surges in the chemical Dopamine and the hormone Oxytocin within the brain. Dopamine is a complex chemical connected to pleasurable experiences. While on social media, people’s dopamine levels skyrocket. However, too much dopamine has been shown to cause a number of adverse side effects including a loss of concentration and an increase in anxiety.
Oxytocin also plays a significant role in forming bonds and sexual reproduction. Levels of this hormone have been shown to rise by up to 13% while on social media — which sounds like a positive effect. But the problem is that too much of the hormone has also been shown to be responsible for reinforcing distinctions between groups and strengthening prejudices. Sound familiar?
So over the past ten years, every person with a social media account has had access to a tool capable of strengthening a system which leaves many unprepared for the realities of the real world while at the same time overstimulating their brains desire for more validation, and increasing their prejudices. It’s not hard to see how that combination can degenerate into a back stream of trolls, click-bait, and fake news.
We are now welcoming into the workforce the first generation who have emerged from their most significant period of brain development while exposed to these influences. Is it any wonder that observations of this new generation are that they are increasingly narcissistic, fame-obsessed, entitled and disengaged?
And is this actually their fault?
In trying to protect young people have we prevented them from facing the things they are capable of overcoming on their own? Have we been systematically preventing them from other paths to growth and self-empowerment that might fuel them onto greater things?
The Emperors and Philosophers knew.
This topic is not a new concern for human beings. Finding pathways to human fulfilment and exploring ways of engaging the next generation have been contemplated for thousands of years.
Before Musashi, the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius gave many insights on finding inner strength and fulfilment through rejecting the external world and focusing on connection to self. He wrote,
“Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength which will always spring up if thou wilt always look.”
His advice advocates that strength is found by focusing on understanding ourselves, not how others perceive ourselves on a social network. Knowing the difference between these two is an important distinction.
Aurelius was one of the great philosophers of the Stoic movement. A band of philosophy which emphasises inner reflection on all things. The Stoic philosophy also focuses on empowering the individual and strengthening their will through cultivating moral and spiritual insight — not participation medals and Instagram followers.
Another famous Roman stoic named Seneca also gave his guidance on why disengaged people fall into the trap of inaction when confronted by difficult times,
“It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not venture that they are difficult.”
Seneca understood that there is a discovery to be had from stepping up to and facing moments of great challenge. Again, a powerful lesson that has been known for centuries.
These philosophies carried through to influence the thoughts of a number of modern writers and philosophers. Many of their most profound contributions were as a direct result of the suffering which they were exposed to during periods of significant global challenge.
Jewish Holocaust Survivor Victor Frankl was one such example. He wrote the following in his inspirational 1946 book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning,’
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Frankl had witnessed and endured an enormous period of suffering on a scale unseen in modern history, but rather than become a victim he emerged with greater awareness and a willingness to give his wisdom to others, for, “What is to give light must endure burning.” His words are lined with priceless advice for the current generation. Although we cannot change the situation, there is a way to change ourselves.
The longevity of these philosophies and evidence of their practical and inspirational use are proof that establishing a deeper understanding of the self and challenging the self continually is a vital and important lesson. They are lessons people desperately need, and lessons that Governments, Businesses, and Societies would be better to cultivate in their people, not protect them from.
The Counterbalance
There are many examples of great leaders and thinkers like Musashi, Aurelius and Frankl who were shaped by intense periods of suffering and inner reflection — Lincoln, Einstein, Mandela, and King spring to mind. But will leaders and thinkers of equal or greater impact emerge from the current system if they are not exposed and encouraged to similar levels challenge, introspection, and growth?
Maybe this in itself is our great challenge to overcome? To break free from this shell of safety, distraction, and noise that seems to insulate the world right now, and leaves many unprepared and unsatisfied. To find a path back to balance.
And where do you even begin to find this balance? Well, it could be anywhere, in a forest, on top of a mountain, or in a cold, blank room on the edge of town.
